On nudity

In their ongoing quest to be as obnoxious as possible, the cats like to sit in the windows, skewing the floor length blinds so that at night, people can peep into our humble abode.

Me: Honey ... fix the blinds.
PD: Hm? What?
Me: Fix the blinds.
PD: Why?
Me: Because the cats messed them up and people can see in!
PD: But I'm doing stuff ...
Me: Just fix them!
PD: Settle down ... why is this such a big deal to you?
Me: BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT WEARING PANTS AND NOW EVERYONE CAN SEE YOUR SHAME!
PD: Oh ... ... ... okay.

He's just so special.

On family

My husband (Puddleduck, aka PD) and I were discussing family the other day.
This never ends well.

PD: I'm just saying that we're better people than them, that's all.
Me: Really?
PD: Well, not in a charitable contribution way, just in a ... well, we're just way more interesting then them.
Me: Oh, no! I think she's fascinating! In a case study way, but fascinating, still!

and

Me: She says his family ends every holiday with Beer Pong.
PD: What is that? Like, beer ping-pong?
Me: I have no idea. If I asked her, she'd know I wasn't cool!
PD: Well, look on Wikipedia, I'm sure they have an entry on beer pong.
Me: Wha ... fine
*furious wiki-ing ensues*
Me: Ok, so, it you line beers cups up kinda like bowling pins ... then you try and bounce balls in? And then the loser has to drink the cup you make it into? Although, there is also a version with paddles ... do I have to look up the version with paddles?
PD: No! God! How did I become the Frasier Crane of my family? I don't like highbrow things! I'm not a foodie, I've never been to an opera, I just don't want to drink beer from a cup that's had a ping pong ball in it!

We're so not getting a Christmas card from them this year ...

Kalifornia Kops

Being that I was born and raised in rural South Dakota, I feel as though I have a firm grasp on what would and would not be considered trashy. I would even go so far as to say that I'm an expert on the topic. That being said, one of the (few) reasons I was excited to move to Southern California when the opportunity arose two years ago, was that I'd finally have an opportunity to distance myself from of the less refined ways of the Upper Midwest.

*sighs*

Instead, I ended up in the reddest part of a dark blue state, in regards to both politics and necks. Never in my life have I seen as many jacked-up pick-up trucks as I have since I moved here. But be that as it may, it was only this weekend at work that I realized how bad it really was ...

I was working late at the office, when I noticed several coworkers gathered around one of the many televisions mounted on the office walls. They stood there for nearly 15 minutes talking amongst themselves and gesturing at the television before I finally gave up and wandered over to see what the fuss was. What my coworkers were so entranced by was an episode of COPS filmed entirely in our metropolitan area. I can only hope they were watching to see if they could see area landmarks and not people they actually knew.

My life is now officially a sitcom.

Leftovers beware ...

The garbage disposal at work is called "The Insinkerator."

This seems unnecessarily severe.
Also, it makes no sense.