• Have decided to start expressing all of my pent-up frustration and rage the only way I know how: the wave.

• Have also decided to start implementing simple deterrent practices at work. Too often do I let an annoying coworker continue with unacceptable behavior. From now on, I'm going to start arriving at work armed with a spray bottle and when someone pisses me off I'm going to spray them with water and yell "No! That's BAD! No!" It works for the cats; I see no reason why it shouldn't work at the office.

• Was recently told by an acquaintance that I was too nice and they were afraid of offending me. Clearly this blog is not widely read.

• Several weeks ago the term 'partial-birth abortion' was being bandied about the office. Really? This is appropriate office talk now? REALLY? I nipped that in the bud right quick, I'll have you all know.

• EW's Entertainers of the Year: #1. Robert Downey Jr. + #2. Tina Fey = Welcome to the inside of my head. It's a sexy place in here.

• So I drive the exact same way to work every day and have been for the last 5 months. The other day I'm examining the signage for the sushi restaurant that I have little-to-no interest in when I notice that beneath the name of the restaurant (Maki-Zushi) is the phrase "hardcore sushi." Hardcore sushi? What does that even mean? Like, as if eating raw fish wasn't intense enough ... no, this sushi, it is HARDCORE. I can only imagine this means that it's been sitting in a bucket in an alley for three days before you eat it because DUDE, IT'S JUST THAT EXTREME. Psh. Hardcore sushi. Bitch, please.

• Meh is now a sanctioned word. Next up? Blurgh.

Things rattling around my head ...

• The Drama Ratio: The amount of bullshit you are willing to deal with in pursuit of carrying on a relationship with a person. Factors effecting said ratio can include attractiveness, entertainment value, intellectual stimulation, potential for intercourse and a variety of other things. Ultimately, an individual consistently surpassing their established Drama Ratio should be abandoned, preferably in an empty field in the middle of nowhere. DO YOU HEAR THAT, DANIEL?!

• I walked around for a good portion of the day yesterday with a small piece of oatmeal on my shirt in the area of my left breast. That's right, I was walking around work with what I can only assume people thought was a large booger on my boobie. And I wonder why no one respects me at work. Also, I routinely use the word boobie. So there you go.

• There is nothing so singularly annoying as trying to consume tuna fish in the presence of my cats. I was pretty upset about it earlier until I realized that it was disturbing for my cats and I to enjoy the same foods. Kind of put me off my sandwich.

• Developing internet theory: If you only have one photograph of yourself that you show people and in said picture you look creepy/ugly/like a cyberstalker, you are, most likely, creepy/ugly/a cyberstalker. Pre-judging at it's finest!

• Meh.

On nudity

In their ongoing quest to be as obnoxious as possible, the cats like to sit in the windows, skewing the floor length blinds so that at night, people can peep into our humble abode.

Me: Honey ... fix the blinds.
PD: Hm? What?
Me: Fix the blinds.
PD: Why?
Me: Because the cats messed them up and people can see in!
PD: But I'm doing stuff ...
Me: Just fix them!
PD: Settle down ... why is this such a big deal to you?
Me: BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT WEARING PANTS AND NOW EVERYONE CAN SEE YOUR SHAME!
PD: Oh ... ... ... okay.

He's just so special.

On family

My husband (Puddleduck, aka PD) and I were discussing family the other day.
This never ends well.

PD: I'm just saying that we're better people than them, that's all.
Me: Really?
PD: Well, not in a charitable contribution way, just in a ... well, we're just way more interesting then them.
Me: Oh, no! I think she's fascinating! In a case study way, but fascinating, still!

and

Me: She says his family ends every holiday with Beer Pong.
PD: What is that? Like, beer ping-pong?
Me: I have no idea. If I asked her, she'd know I wasn't cool!
PD: Well, look on Wikipedia, I'm sure they have an entry on beer pong.
Me: Wha ... fine
*furious wiki-ing ensues*
Me: Ok, so, it you line beers cups up kinda like bowling pins ... then you try and bounce balls in? And then the loser has to drink the cup you make it into? Although, there is also a version with paddles ... do I have to look up the version with paddles?
PD: No! God! How did I become the Frasier Crane of my family? I don't like highbrow things! I'm not a foodie, I've never been to an opera, I just don't want to drink beer from a cup that's had a ping pong ball in it!

We're so not getting a Christmas card from them this year ...

Kalifornia Kops

Being that I was born and raised in rural South Dakota, I feel as though I have a firm grasp on what would and would not be considered trashy. I would even go so far as to say that I'm an expert on the topic. That being said, one of the (few) reasons I was excited to move to Southern California when the opportunity arose two years ago, was that I'd finally have an opportunity to distance myself from of the less refined ways of the Upper Midwest.

*sighs*

Instead, I ended up in the reddest part of a dark blue state, in regards to both politics and necks. Never in my life have I seen as many jacked-up pick-up trucks as I have since I moved here. But be that as it may, it was only this weekend at work that I realized how bad it really was ...

I was working late at the office, when I noticed several coworkers gathered around one of the many televisions mounted on the office walls. They stood there for nearly 15 minutes talking amongst themselves and gesturing at the television before I finally gave up and wandered over to see what the fuss was. What my coworkers were so entranced by was an episode of COPS filmed entirely in our metropolitan area. I can only hope they were watching to see if they could see area landmarks and not people they actually knew.

My life is now officially a sitcom.

Leftovers beware ...

The garbage disposal at work is called "The Insinkerator."

This seems unnecessarily severe.
Also, it makes no sense.